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  • Writer's pictureelenaburan

Who's good at relationships

Updated: Apr 5

Who's good at relationships
Who's good at relationships

When we conducted research on teenagers, they were students from 26 schools, we asked what they would like to get in life. Approximately a quarter answered that money or financial independence is valuable to them. Another quarter wanted to get some expensive property, for example, a house, a car. Another quarter wanted to do what they love and be successful in it. And another quarter said they were interested in relationships, family, friends, or just good relationships in society. You can assume that the last group of young people became lawyers or educators, maybe they even became the leaders of their companies, and these companies are associated with sociology, public relations, marketing. Professional politics also deal with relationships. You will be correct in your assumptions.

Indeed, there is a type of intelligence that focuses on relationships. Let's call it the ethical type of intelligence, in which the corresponding function of consciousness dominates, based on the functional asymmetry of the brain operating. At the same time, any person is social. No one can be alone and be happy and successful. Therefore, the dominance of the functions of consciousness remains relative and can change throughout life. It is important to understand what values are associated with relationships, why one type of intelligence is focused on relationships, while others are not, and what this gives to us.

Harvard conducted a study that lasted 80 years. Every two years, they asked the same men how they live and what they do. The people who participated in the study went through World War II, rebuilding from ruins, the industrial revolution, the threat of nuclear war, a series of financial crises, a pandemic, the rise and death of large cities, an aversion to artificial substances, and a return to nature.

In their youth, these people also wanted financial independence, a good home, success in business, a happy marriage. Their lives went very differently. But, you know what the result was. One tenth of men lived to 80, and all those who showed good health, activity, happiness and success said that good relationships are the main thing in life. All other people died much earlier, were lonely or did not feel happy. None of those who lived long and happily said that a house or money is what they lived for. While, those who tried to get money or a house remained alone.

One in five modern people is single today. Lonely participants in the experiment said that when they felt physical pain, it was added to the emotional pain. When they had no one to count on, they saw no way to avoid suffering. While people who lived to old age, who built good relationships, had not only happiness, but houses and grandchildren.

The ethical type of intelligence is the one that, more than others, delves into what relationships consist of. And being masters of communication, they pay attention to making sense of the roles that each person plays in relationships, in the family, in society. The ethical type of intellect seeks harmony in everything, in the sense that everything on earth is relative to each other. They perceive society as a chorus of voices, which gives a beautiful synergy.

There are whole national cultures built on relationships, mostly southerners, like Italians, Spaniards or Chinese, for example. There is a difference between them, but they all attach great importance to the rituals of communication, as well as music and dance. They choose healthy and tasty food for a meal together. For them, the business itself is not as important as the relationship in the team doing business. They may be late for a meeting, because on the way they have to say hello to a dozen acquaintances. And when they show up, they give off a charming smile and try to hug you.

However, there are healthy and unhealthy forms of ethical intelligence. Most politicians and lawyers are not saints. Manipulation and cunning take the place of honesty and wisdom when they get too carried away with role-play. And also all sorts of flirting confuse the already complex ties in society.

Any person, regardless of the type of intellect and culture, can change his or her roles in life, add new ones. All of us are children, many become parents, brothers and sisters. Almost everyone has a team to do business. But each of us fills our roles with meanings and feelings in our own way. Not all people make the performance of their roles free from contradictions. Many people use manipulation and training methods where there should be understanding, trust and love. Excessive rationalization can kill living feelings, as well as excessive emotions and adventurism, rather, extinguish the fire of love than strengthen it. Any abuse destroys harmony and love.

The main conclusion that we can draw from the results of studies of carriers of the ethical type of intelligence, which include lawyers, educators, anthropologists, sociologists, psychologists, business coaches, as well as ancient kings, judges and saints, has been known for thousands of years: one should not be telling people they're nothing because they don't have money, houses, or successful companies. Instead, you need to use creative imagination, intuition and will to find opportunities to fill social roles with positive content, see the best in people, alleviate someone's pain or problem, share values, support in their best. Then your life will be longer, happier and more successful. Life is built on relationships, relationships make up everything.


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