Envy as a “peaceful” way of destruction

That evening a surprise awaited for me. A new client - out of nowhere, urgently. I was ready for anything. She turned out to be a very gentle, beautiful, slender woman of thirty. With such a gentle manner of speaking, I could listen to her voice for hours. Small smooth movements and plays were appearing in her intonations, she seemed to be wondering about something, it was perceptible, and she pronounced aloud and listened to my voice in response.

She said that she was so “overwhelmed” that “she’s ready to cry”, “it turns her inside out,” and she cannot cope unless she talks to someone at the moment.

Her story unexpectedly became for me a symbol of the last processes that I have observed. People come to the “end” of some cycle, to a dead end, they are devastated, there is nothing to live with, just this cry or even howling, which turns out from within. I got even remembered that once upon a time I felt how it was happening. You are like a hunk cut off from something that used to be big and significant, but now it doesn't matter, and you are left with emptiness in a dead-end, although you are thirty, and you are full of strength. After this howling going from within, there comes a realization that the perspective of life has been lost. You are lost or absent. But you seem to be there. And you're only thirty. Something like a stolen life.

She said that when she was a child, her parents all the time let her know that she was "bad", "naughty", "everything is wrong." From the first touch, it was clear to me that I was in front of an intuitive person.

Having tested two and a half thousand people, I could already see by eye with high accuracy. And I must say that in recent months I especially often met people of different ages with a high value of intuition and a high level of vigorosity - vital energy, who were recognized by this society and their parents as unfit for life, "poor", "empty losers".

I remember a guy of thirteen, a brilliant, lively mind, answering my questions: "No, this is not mine, but this is mine," in a typical intuition language. He was a bad student. He answered my questions as if he were fifteen at least, with a sunny smile. The energy level turned out to be like that of a good entrepreneur, zero chaotic and passive behaviours, but moderate search activity and even the ability to rely on rules. Why he was a poor student, and why his parents did not see what I saw, I didn’t have a clue. But the fact is that apparently from intense despair for several years, he got obese. I simply said: “Now you grew up big, you no longer have to be afraid that you will end up bad. Just live. Do you want to lose weight?" He replied, "Yes." I had provided a link to great exercises for him. And suddenly his parents forbade him to communicate with me, I was shocked and did not understand why. He was clearly happy just talking to me on Skype, answering very intelligently and vividly to standard interview questions. Warm human attention, consciously and carefully nurtured in me to help reveal the talent of any person ... Maybe this is the reason?

And there was also a woman. And another girl. And another guy. They looked alike. And now this young, beautiful, tender thirty-year-old in her prime in front of me. They were all united by something. And here's what:

they were intuitive, energetic, bright, talented people ... who were not needed. Intuition is all about the future and the vision of a big whole picture of life. They didn't fit sociality, having got that.

When Lada was little, she loved music and singing most of all. She wanted and thought it would be natural for her parents to allow her to study music. But they brought her to a music school when she was 8, there they said to her face: "It's too late." Parents took her away from music school and never again raised questions on she wanted and could study music. "This is nonsense. This is not a profession." Instead, they told her that she was naughty, she was bad, because "all children, like real children, do their homework," and she "was not like those."

Later they sent her to Moscow to work, where she lived alone in a rented apartment, she began to work as a flight attendant. She sang furtively when she was alone. She thought in terms of music, it was her nature, she perceived the world around her that way. And when, at last, a young man appeared just sitting opposite her at the table and talking to her, she felt such a bad attack of shame for herself, for her life, for everything around that she did not dare to get closer. And she was left alone, although she was thirty, in her beauty.

Parents hinted that it was time to get married and take out a mortgage. And she made a tremendous effort on herself and quietly told them that she did not want to take out a mortgage in order to simply die, paying off the debts to the bank, it was not a reason for her to live at all.

The singing supported her. But now she stopped singing. She couldn't sing. The music has gone somewhere. After talking to that young man. She thought it was "emotional addiction to people." Such words were spoken by experts. There was only fierce shame and this cry, which tore her in a hot wave from within. This was the last drop of patience. And suddenly she heard herself: “What have I done to you ?? What have I done wrong to you ?? What…." It was quiet. Her voice sounded quiet, gentle and soft, as always, there was a play in it, and it seemed that she was asking herself questions and was surprised to hear my voice in response.

What she described as a way of her upbringing from childhood looked like a classic double bind, this duality of being loved and not loved at the same time, taken care of and not taken care of, supported and not supported. And it's not that you are not supported in bad character traits, no. They do not support in you what is your nature and your best part, your talent, your only value worth living. And they do it for the sake of what? Ridiculous arguments that the girl next door “learns lessons” and you are “not so good” at it. And the neighbour boy sits still at his desk in a math lesson, but you see the picture of the world with your intuition and cannot find words in the teacher's lexicon to answer her at least one question. Why not tell these children in the very childhood that the average teacher, with an average level of vigorosity, passive-stereotypical behavioural attitudes and the dominance of ethical-emotional functions of consciousness and not trained to look for talent and uniqueness in children, simply cannot understand them and will never understand and will not support adequately. There are parents for this, but parents grew up, again, without understanding the creation of God, the laws of life, they are accustomed to speak in Aesopian language, learning double standards from exactly the same teachers and ones in power. As it was two thousand years ago.

Envy. This is based on envy. It is how this has been called for thousands of years. Envy is a burning sensation at the heart - this is the way the orthodox ascetics described it ten or even twelve centuries ago. And this burning sensation near the heart appears after the chill of hatred as if a warm living voice had been cut off with a blade, and it became a broken string, which now “burns”. This happens at the very moment when children and lovers open their hearts to their loved ones and expect love in return, but this love is not given to them, cutting off their warm attention, because "they do not meet the social standard."

That's right: parents do not accept their child as he or she is, created by God, they do not want to see and do not see talent in a child, do not show love, instead pointing to the neighbour's "right" boy who "deserves love." And the child feels a chill at his heart, listening to his parents, and finally, he is covered with that very wave “burning out” his own talent from within, and when he is thirty, he is dead alive. Yes, that is how it happens.

She thawed out while I showed my love for her because I was trained to do this, recognizing and exterminating in myself all and any "chills" and "burning" when they first appeared near my heart, I did this all my youth, preparing to be a psychologist ... And now I can give for a while what parents did not give so that the person would experience a bit of warmth and come to life and see her prospects anew.

It's simple. “Well, if this musical sensitivity is your nature, you just perceive people, the world, sensitively, you grasp their state, empathize, you, of course, can sing and even draw, you can be the soul of the company. Your passengers, I'm sure, love listening to your voice, you can make anyone happy, please sing ... do you want to write music?" "Yes". "Perfect. My dear, it is people like you that are needed now by both adults and children, just as talented as you are ... so that you help them reveal their talent ... Because they need understanding too."

I do not know if she will learn Italian or will manage with only English in Italy, or maybe something will change dramatically in Russia, where she was, and there would be a place for people like her ... But I know that if God gives talent, then for some reason it is necessary and vital. Nothing happens in vain. Each talent is given for happiness and success.

And there will be a success. If only the Aesopian language, which generates a double bind and duality of the meaning of life, does not destroy a person "peacefully", quietly and imperceptibly.

Now, she is safe, as well as Vitaly and Lena ... They carry a certain message to this country, in which they do not meet the standard, making everyday envy so noticeable and shameful that you want to scream. And according to the law of feedback, all this shame that she felt is no longer hers - it falls on those from whom it came, this is their shame, generated by envy. The lifestyle of envy instead of talent and love is doomed.